So my plan was to photoshop World Cup uniforms on a couple of the Palo Verde beetles that I've found in my bathtub recently and publish it as my first returning post. But then I thought: "Is a picture of a three-inch-long beetle with googly eyes and a crazy scary mandible wearing a World Cup shirt that's sure to be an emotional trigger for many people really the best way to re-introduce myself to my readers?"
And the answer was: "Probably".
But then the World Cup ended, like, five days ago, so its relevance to modern-day life is questionable, and many of you have already forgotten that it happened at all. Just like with World War I and jelly bracelets.
So after that I thought, "Oh! I know! I'm going to post a link to Weird Al's new "Word Crimes" video because that's totally relevant. His new album came out after the World Cup ended, this is a blog (which is related to words), I have an enormous soft spot for Weird Al that's been bothering me since my childhood, and, most importantly, word crimes are totally going to happen here. On my blog. If they haven't already. Which they have."
And so I did that, but I didn't feel...committed, if you know what I mean. (I'm sure you don't.)
Then I thought, "Well, maybe I should post a picture of a tomato, so all my returning readers immediately feel that warm, familiar glow of mild aggravation they felt the last 273 times I posted a picture of a tomato."
But I didn't. Even though I have a picture of tomato available.
And FINALLY I was like, "Whatever, goddammit. I'm just going to crack a beer and hit "Publish".
And that, my friends, is the moral of the story.