Thursday, October 12

Never Saw This Coming

I used to:
1. Never wash fruit before I ate it
2. Write something every single day
3. Wish I had a boyfriend
4. Think 75 degrees was really getting just a little bit too hot
5. Eat baked potatoes with too much sour cream at least three times a week
6. Watch too much t.v.
7. Admire Johnny Depp on 21 Jump Street (see number 6)
8. Ride my bike around the neighborhood with my sister
9. Wear oversized everything
10. Wonder why no one liked me

Now I:
1. Never eat fruit, unless it's in berry form or in a salad - but still don't wash it, no doubt risking E. coli or other.

2. Pull out a notebook every few months, then sit back, agonized, as writer's cramp paralyzes my pen hand. Also write many boring technical reports about rock piles irritatingly left scattered all over the desert by prehistoric people who apparently had some kind of grudge, even way back then (see number 10).

3. Have a committed relationship that feels like a blanket on a winter night (although, see number 4). Do not want to be the Marrying Kind of People. Not just yet. If ever. Enjoy being the Living in Sin-Buying a House-Raising a Dog Together Kind of People. And the Grilling on Weekdays Kind of People (see number 5).

4. Hope it will drop below 75 degrees at least for the holidays. At least for one holiday. Complain bitterly of the cold when it gets down to 60 degrees.

5. Eat baked potatoes only when boyfriend/blanket (see number 3) is out of town. Consume a lot of homemade soup. Make a mean chocolate cherry torte with a magical layer of marzipan. Yeah. Grill red meat on the patio all the time, even on Tuesdays.

6. Watch faithfully A. The Simpsons and B. Seinfeld. (And C. House, when alone and often while eating baked potato with too much sour cream. See number 5.)

7. Admire Johnny Depp as a sexy-yet-possibly-gay pirate. Admire Johnny Depp with scissors for hands and as a cartoon character married to a dead woman. Admire Johnny Depp period.

8. Have a bike. Somewhere in the shed. Collecting dust. And black widows. Dream of riding bike out to bars but do nothing to make it happen.

9. Own three pairs of pants that are too tight. Enjoy wearing tight pants, esp. in public, but not as tight as all that.

10. Wonder how I got so many people to like me so regularly. (Tight pants, maybe?)


Wingal said...

If you're riding you start riding your bike to the bars, I'm going to come out just to watch you ride it home.

And yes, it's the tight pants... well, that's why I like you, anyway.

Jenny said...

I kind of figured, based on other comments on other blogs.