Saturday, September 8

sick of it all?

You know how you're at work some days and you're sitting in front of your computer and instead of really focusing on whether Sahelanthropus tchadensis is actually a direct human ancestor or just another Miocene ape, you're thinking Man, I just wish I could be sick for a few days, maybe enjoy a mild bout of the flu, stay home, drink plenty of fluids, watch movies, read magazines, get away from work for just a little rest and relaxation. Wouldn't that be great?

I know where you're coming from. I am guilty of these thoughts, too.

And I actually did get sick this week. I can, in fact, pinpoint it to Wednesday right around 11:30 A.M. And today is the first day I feel like a real person again.

So from personal experience, I can tell you a few things:

1. There is no "enjoy" anywhere in the equation.

2. You need the fluids, but, boy, you're so not in the mood to stand there for the thirty seconds it takes to fill up the water glass.

3. Movies? What movies? Movies involve driving somewhere, making decisions, speaking in a rational manner to other people who are not sick and can't possibly understand why this whole transaction is so hard, and trying to figure out where the hell you left your car keys. Not to mention your pants. There are no movies.

4. Magazines. See number 3 above. Oh, and don't count on your subscriptions showing up while you're sick. It wouldn't matter if they did anyway, because you'd just have to make the trek out to the mailbox, and you're not going to have the energy to find the appropriate clothing to make that happen.

5. Rest and relaxation? No problem. If sleeping 18 hours a days (but not actually while it's dark) is considered either of those things.

6. My educated conclusion? If you think you could use a sick day or's healthier to fake it.

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