family portrait

Obviously Mom is the head of the household. She's so good. And smart! And I don't know where she finds the time between all the homemaking to work that 'do the way she does, but whoo-eee! Mom's sure a hottie! But don't even think of crossing her! That halo may sparkle like the Christmas silver, but Mom knows how to make your life hell if you're asking for it!

Dad may look like a happy, slightly balding, pipe-smoking Buddha, but he was a mafia don in his time! He got his pipe off a dead man! And, oh ho! Those aren't his eyebrows, now! No! They're giant leeches! Or caterpillars! That's why he appears so mirthful! Caterpillars crawling on his face make Dad giggle like a giddy schoolgirl!

Oh, and that's little ol' me in the middle - with the beatific smile and the perky ponytail. I'm wearying my best going-out dress - the one with the little bows at the shoulders. But I never let the boys untie them! I was voted most popular and I made out with the captain of the football team once! I'm extremely well-rounded!

The little cutie-pie with the pigtails is my baby sister, Julie. Isn't she a doll? She got into the pots and pans the other day, and we all laaaaughed! The boys'll think she's just the cat's pajamas when she gets a little older. Watch out for those shoulder-bows, Julie!

The dog is Abby. She's a golden retriever mix, but we think she might just have some cocker spaniel in there! Look at those curly ears! Isn't she a sweetie? She knows how to sit, speak, and dust behind the fridge with her ears! She also eats birds! Mother's little helper, indeed!

And the boy...well, I suppose that's little Tommy. We don't speak of Tommy. Tommy...went away. Tommy was such a rapscallion! He sure didn't have a halo!

Oh boy! What did Mom slip into the ham loaf!