Monday, March 10

communicating with dog

Chomp-chorrromp chachomp chomp is the crunchy sound of 4 A.M. snacking, always followed by sluurrpslup slurrupslurup slupslupslupslupslup, various collary jangling sounds that have to do with scratching and stretching, excessively loud yawning, and the clikclikclikclikclikclik of paws on hardwood coming back to bed.

Rong thumump (pause) rooonnng thumump is the sound of the insertion of a paw into the food bowl and a firm pull against the side in order to tip the bowl (often requiring several tries) thereby scattering bits of kibble across the kitchen floor for no apparent reason other than to irritate roommates.

Barroorooaroo aroooaroorooorooooo grrrrrr! grrraarrr! garrrrrr! is the joyous sound of coming home after a long day at work. You didn't forget me! Again! You guys are the awesomist!

Chingding ching ching ring ding is the sound of a nose in the bathroom garbage can Blasted tags on metal! I nearly got away with it this time too!

Roofooffoofwooofwooofffoowarughwarooroarwarooguh is the sound of that guy walking down the street obviously having thoughts about trying to break in even though he's trying to appear singularly uninterested in our house. He doesn't fool us. Jerk.

Arf! (pause) arf! (pause) ARF! (pause) followed by a long-drawn out sad whine and accompanied by staring and wagging in attempt to entice lost ball to spontaneously roll out into mouth are the high-pitched sounds of aforementioned ball having gotten itself wedged under the couch/futon/kitchen cabinets/kitchen table/small stool (in the kitchen)/desk/desk chair/heater/toilet/palo verde/workbench/various cactuses, behind any of five different doors, in a perfectly accessible corner, or next to the scary wooden buddha statue by the bathroom. Oh, no! My old nemesis, the wooden buddha statue, has my ball again! Help! HELP!

chingching (pause) chingching is the sound of dog wanting to go outside, using Christmas jingle bell with red Christmas ribbon hanging on back door knob since December 2006 because dog is smarter than roommates and taught self to ring bell.

(Silence) is the sound of trouble.

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