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Wednesday, April 30

true story

Raphael: Okay, Amy, since you're such an excellent neighbor who gives us free tile for our bathroom and lives a few doors down to the west, Lila, Jenny, and I will accompany you down the street to the now-vacated house of the Strange Cab-driver --

Amy: Who moved out over the course of several nights.

Jenny: Nights?

Amy: Yes! Nights! Between ten o'clock and two o'clock in the morning.

Raphael: Well, that certainly sounds suspicious! It explains why you want to sneak into the backyard and see if he left a meth lab in the shed!

Jenny: AndI'm suspicious because Strange Cabbie carried a big shiny gun and frequently brought it along when he got into altercations in front of our house with Other Scary Neighbor, Mike*!

Amy: Yes! That's why!

Lila: Can we get a move on? There's trespassing to be done.

(They proceed down the street, past Other Scary Neighbor's house, and enter creaking gate into what used to be Strange Cabbie's unkempt backyard.)

Amy: Creepy.

Jenny: Was that a fleeting shadow?

Raphael: I love sleuthing.

Jenny: Yes. I feel like I'm in an episode of Scooby Doo. That makes you Shaggy, Raphael.

Amy: Who does that make me?

Jenny: Velma.

Lila: I want to be the blond guy with the neckerchief.

(Amy and Raphael try the locked shed door and peer through the grimy window while Jenny and Lila keep a nervous lookout for weirdly glowing phantoms.)

Amy (frustrated): No meth lab!

Jenny: But the clock on the wall is stopped. Maybe something significant happened at precisely 10:17.

Amy: Yes. Maybe.

Raphael: Well, if there's no meth lab, I guess we'll be going. We've got to go home and wait for the cops to show up since we called them on Other Scary Neighbor shortly before you invited us on this crazy yet ultimately pointless adventure.

(They leave. Gate creaks ominously behind them. Jenny and Raphael escort Amy to her house, two to the west. As they make their goodbyes, they note the passing of a battered white SUV bearing two of the Shifty Characters who have been coming in and out of Other Scary Neighbor's house all day long. They also spot a cop car parked a few more doors to the west. They decide not to go back home and continue west, past the cop.)

Raphael: I think we should go for a little walk.

Jenny: Yeeeesssss.

Lila: Whoohoo!

Jenny: So, uhhh...not so happy with our neighbor situation right now.

Raphael: Yes. I mean, no. Me neither.

Jenny: You know, I'm more worried about Lila than about us.

Raphael: Really? Why?

Jenny: Because people like Other Scary Neighbor Mike who really, really, really seem to be dealing drugs out of their house, do things sometimes. According to t.v.

Raphael: What things?

Jenny: Like, they won't come after you, but they'll soak a steak in antifreeze and throw it over the fence for your dog.

Raphael: They do that?

Lila: Really? Steak?!?

Jenny: Yes.

Raphael: Did you see that on t.v. too?

Jenny: No. That was on the radio.

(They pass two children playing on the other side of the street. A little boy, six or seven years old, carrying a long stick, and an adorable little girl, about five.)

Little Girl: Hey! I like your dog, and that's my brother! He wants to kill your dog!

Raphael: Thank you!

Jenny: Um. She said 'He wants to kill your dog.'

Raphael: What?

Little Girl: He wants to kill your dog!

Raphael: Okay!

Jenny: She said 'He wants to kill your dog.'

Raphael: Oh.

Little Girl: He's cute! Can I pet him? He wants to kill him!

Raphael: Okay!

Jenny: Uh...

(They pass children. Jenny is now thoroughly freaked out.)

Jenny: I'm thoroughly freaked out.

Raphael: Why's that now?

Jenny: Because we were just talking about someone wanting to kill our dog...!

Raphael: Okaaaay...

Jenny: And that little girl just said 'He wants to kill your dog!'"

Raphael: OHHH. (pause) That is weird.

Jenny: Yes. Yes, that is weird. Let's go home and see if the cops are there.

Lila: Yes! Let's go see if Other Scary Neighbor is there! He might have steak!

Jenny: He might actually be Mr. McPherson, the Bank Manager, disguised as a drug dealer.

Raphael: Not for long, with sleuths like us on his trail!


*His real name.

2 comments:

Liv said...

that was amazing. thank you.

Jenny said...

We do what we can.