beef crumbles, naturally

I am presently having lunch.

I am apparently eating, among other things such as actual penne and oregano, “natural beef crumbles" - an oxymoronic-sounding sort of ingredient that includes sea salt, which seems to me a little too classy of a thing to bother including in something called “natural beef crumbles”.

According to the box from which I extracted my meal, I am experiencing an “authentically flavored Italian meal” that also “heats up in 90 seconds” (which it did). But I suspect there are a lot of authentic Italian people who would disagree with the box.

The box also says that I can enjoy this meal anywhere including on picnics, on patios, and in lunchrooms, but I’ll tell you exactly what I’m NOT going to be eating on a picnic: cabbage. And also anything with “natural beef crumbles” in it.