Thursday, January 1

santa and the ladies' brunch

Jenny: So, uh, Santa. It's been a week since Christmas. I guess I was wondering if you had decided to get on back to the North Pole any time soon? Ring in the New Year with your missus or something like that?

Santa: Ho ho ho! It is the New Year, isn't it! How wonderful! What shall we do to celebrate?

Jenny: I don't know...maybe I could help you pack your things for the long trip...?

Santa: Oh ho ho no! I know! Let's have a brunch!

Jenny: A brunch.

Santa: Eddie makes a mean spinach-and-Gruyere strata, right Eddie?

Eddie: Si, Santa. This is true.

Santa: This'll be fantastic! We'll invite everyone we know in Tucson!

Jenny: Ooh. I don't know about that. I bet you know a lot of people in Tucson.

Santa: Not feasible?

Jenny: Not feasible.

Santa: What about we invite only the people you know?

Jenny: Better. What about we invite only a few of the people I know? Some of the girls, maybe.

Santa: Ah yes! The Ladies' New Year's Day Brunch! What a marvelous idea! And Eddie and I shall make the strata!

Eddie: No need for you to put yourself out, Santa. I can make the strata myself.

Santa: Nonsense!

Eddie (under his breath): Shit.

Jenny: What's wrong, Eddie?

Eddie (pulls Jenny aside): Santa couldn't cook his way out of a shoebox.

Jenny: I don't even know what that means.

Eddie: Imagine Santa Claus jammed into a shoebox, attempting to flip a crepe.

Jenny: Oh.

Eddie: All sweaty from the exertion--

Jenny: Got it. I got it.

Eddie: This "Ladies' Brunch" of yours will be a disaster if you allow Santa to help with the strata.

Jenny: Well, what can I do? Can a person say no to Santa Claus? Is that even within the realm of possibility?

Eddie: Yes. I understand el problemo. (He nods thoughtfully and then snaps his teeny, adorable fingers) I have the solution!

Jenny: What!?!

Eddie: We will allow Santa to mix the mimosas.

Jenny: We will?

Eddie: Yes. It is a brilliant plan. Santa will mix the mimosas, and, as he does so, he will taste them.

Jenny: Personal experience?

Eddie: Trust me, he will taste them. As I was saying, as he makes the mimosas, we will no doubt begin to notice that Santa has become, how you say? Tipsy. He will forget all about helping me with the strata and I will be left in peace to create a masterpiece of cheese and eggs that will not only satisfy your ladies, but also make them feel like women.

Jenny: What?

Eddie: They will feel like women.

Jenny: Oh my god.

Santa: What are you two whispering about? Are we on for the Ladies' Brunch?

Eddie: Of course, Santa. But only if you will grant us the honor of mimosas mixed by you.

Santa: Ho ho ho! Sure! Mixing mimosas is a speciality of mine! (He winks at Jenny) I'll make sure they're delicious, you hear what I'm saying?

Eddie: He means he's going to taste them.

Santa: Well, I'd hate to mix them incorrectly. Especially if they're for the ladies.


Clariza: OMG, Eddie is too cute!

Kim: And he makes a mean spinach-and-Gruyere strata!

Christine (comes out of the house onto the patio): So it was the weirdest thing - I was just in the loo, powdering my nose, and I swear I heard some guy humming "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" and hiccuping a lot out in the kitchen. What's that all about?

Jenny: Uhhh...old houses, you know?

Christine: I hear lots of strange noises at my house, but never Christmas songs.

Jen: What's this is my mimosa?

Clariza: A marshmallow...?

Kim: Oh my god. It looks like...

Jen: ...the white puff off a Santa hat. What the hell?

Christine: What's going on here?

Clariza: And wait just one minute...where did Eddie come from anyway?

Jenny: Uhhh...

Eddie: I am from Colombia.

Distant Voice: ...underneath the mistletoe last niiiight...hic.

Christine: That's him! That's the guy!

Jenny (under her breath to Eddie): Great. What are we going to do now? They're onto us!

Eddie: Nonsense. They are not onto us yet. Wait here.

(Eddie abruptly vanishes)

Jenny: Way to be subtle.

Jen: This all seems most extraordinary.

(Eddie pops back into existance, carrying a large pitcher)

Eddie: Who would like another mimosa?

Jenny (hisses to Eddie): Not seeing that anything has been resolved here, Eddie.

Distant Voice: I saw Mommy tickle Santa Claaaauuus...hic.

Eddie (holds up a precious widdle hand): Patience, senorita.

Kim: Wow. This batch of mimosas is a bit stronger.

Clariza: Is there any actual orange juice in these, Eddie?

Christine (slams her glass down): It was Santa Claus in there singing, I'm telling you...

Jen: hic

Clariza (laughing tipsily): Santa Claus! Yeah, right!

Kim: Ho ho hic! Ha ha ha! Santa Claus!

Jen: Huh?

Christine: Santa Claus! What was I hic thinking! Clearly I'm hearing things!

Jenny: These are awesome mimosas, Eddie. Looks like you've saved the day, after all.

Eddie (winks): And better yet, senorita, no more mysterious singing.

Distant Voice: Snoooooooorre.

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