Brain (in a loud whisper): Hey. Hey! Are you awake?
Brain: We have cancer.
You (fully awake): What?!
Brain: I'm pretty sure.
You: What? What time is it?
Brain: The question is, what are we going to do about it?
You: It's three in the morning. We're not going to do any-- OH COME ON. WE DON'T HAVE CANCER.
Brain: Feel that? That pang near your bellybutton?
You: That's nachos, not cancer.
You: What do you mean "maybe"?
You: This is ridiculous. It's three in the morning. I'm going back to sleep.
Brain: If you want.
You: I want.
You: Good night.
Brain (whispering): Caaannncccccerrrr...
You: Shut up.
You (pretending to snore)
Brain: Fine. Go to sleep if you want.
Brain: Whhhyyy arrrenn't yoouu publishhhed yeeeettt?