insomnia

Brain (in a loud whisper):  Hey.  Hey!  Are you awake?

You: RNNGHhgh...unh?

Brain: We have cancer.

You (fully awake): What?!

Brain: I'm pretty sure.

You: What? What time is it?

Brain: The question is, what are we going to do about it?

You: It's three in the morning. We're not going to do any-- OH COME ON. WE DON'T HAVE CANCER.

Brain: Feel that? That pang near your bellybutton?

You: That's nachos, not cancer.

Brain: Maybe.

You: What do you mean "maybe"?

Brain (shrugs)

You: This is ridiculous. It's three in the morning. I'm going back to sleep.

Brain: If you want.

You: I want.

Brain: Fine

You: Good.

Brain: Good.

You: Good night.

Silence.

Brain (whispering): Caaannncccccerrrr...

You: Shut up.

Brain: Caaaannnnncccceeeerrrr...

You (pretending to snore)

Brain: Fine. Go to sleep if you want.

Silence.

Brain: Whhhyyy arrrenn't yoouu publishhhed yeeeettt?